Help Me Obi 1 Enoby ur mi only hop!!!!1

I'm not usually pro-flaming, but I just had to post this, if nothing else, as an example of how not to write. From what I understand, this is one of the best-known fanfics in the world. It is a Harry Potter Mary-Sue which takes place mostly at Hogwarts. From what I can tell, all of the main characters are Satanists and goths, except Snape (aka Snap), who is a pedophilic prep, who, despite the fact that he's gay frequently fantasizes about and spies on the female protaganist.

My favourite quotes include:

I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie.

I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).

And, my all-time personal favourite:

And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

I really, really, almost hope that this was written by someone who was eleven or younger, because somehow that would make it better... I think. Maybe not.