Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Help Me Obi 1 Enoby ur mi only hop!!!!1

I'm not usually pro-flaming, but I just had to post this, if nothing else, as an example of how not to write. From what I understand, this is one of the best-known fanfics in the world. It is a Harry Potter Mary-Sue which takes place mostly at Hogwarts. From what I can tell, all of the main characters are Satanists and goths, except Snape (aka Snap), who is a pedophilic prep, who, despite the fact that he's gay frequently fantasizes about and spies on the female protaganist.

My favourite quotes include:

I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie.
I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).

And, my all-time personal favourite:

And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
I really, really, almost hope that this was written by someone who was eleven or younger, because somehow that would make it better... I think. Maybe not.


Rhiannon said...

It hurts me in my soul

E said...


There's actually HUGE debate over whether or not "Tara" is a troll. Because, honestly, when someone is that terrible lines like, "It was.......TOM BOMBADIL!!!!!!1", "and then we kissed just like Hilary Duff (omg I hate that fokin bitch) and CMM in A Cinderella Story", and "TaEbory" don't just happen. They have to be planned. And that ending...

Many trolls have tried to copy Tara's style, but none have ever come close to the sheer amazing awfulness of the original. If she was a troll, she'd have to have had amazing writing skills and stamina. Tara has a MySpace, a LiveJournal, and had FF.N, and so does her friend Raven. Even though Tara's accounts are long since dead, Raven still (according to legend) occasionally updates. And she writes stories. You'd have to be a severely dedicated troll to pull that one off.

(Oh, and obviously I'm paraphrasing the TaEbory quotes - I simply can't bring myself to reproduce all the errors and inaccuracies of grammar. And I can't remember them.)

Rhiannon said...

It's the sheer amazing awfulness that has me convinced it's real, reads like the inside voice of a ten-year-old girl who knows all the words but not the concepts behind them...or how to all...much less articulate a thought.

I had such a headache from laughing so hard, though...such a headache. One of these days, I'm going to make a shirt that says "goffik!" on it. And "...lik a stallone..."

Athena said...

I really hope she's a troll. It would make me feel better for the fate of the world.